Pod

23-04-2008

JERRY: (Into the intercom) Elaine?

ELAINE: Yeah.

JERRY: (Unlocks the main door. To George) Alright, this is going to require some great acting now. I have to pretend I'm disappointed. You're going to really see me being a phony, now. I hope you can take this.. maybe you should go in the other room.

GEORGE: Are you kidding?! I lie ever second of the day. My whole life is a sham!

JERRY: 'Cause you know, I love Elaine.

GEORGE: Of course you do.

JERRY: But you know.. not in the building. Really, I feel terrible about this. My intentions were good. What can I do? Tell me..

(Enter Elaine) ELAINE: (To someone in the hallway) No, I'll be seeing you. (Starts to sing) "Good morning, good morning.." Have you ever gotten up in the morning and felt it's great to be alive? That every breath is a gift of sweet life from above? (George leaves, and goes to the other room) Oh, and before I forget, I have the checks for first month, last month, security deposit. I have seventy-five dollars left in my account.

JERRY: (Looks at the checks) Well.. there's a little bit of a problem.

ELAINE: Oh, I know. There's a weak shower spray, I know. I've already thought about it, and I'm switching to baths. As Winston Churchill said, "Why stand when you can sit?" Maybe I'll get some rubber duckies..

JERRY: No, someone offered Harold and Manny five thousand for the apartment. I'm sure they'd just as soon give it to you, but you'd have to come up with that money.

ELAINE: Five thousand dollars? I don't have five thousand dollars.

JERRY: I know.

ELAINE: How am I going to get five thousand dollars?

JERRY: I have no idea.

(Enter Kramer)

KRAMER: Hey, my new neighbor!

ELAINE: I'm not moving in.

KRAMER: What?

ELAINE: They want five thousand dollars now.

KRAMER: So, okay. What's the problem?

ELAINE: I don't have five thousand dollars.

KRAMER: C'mon, you can come up with five thousand dollars.. Jerry, you don't have five thousand dollars you can led her? Come on.

JERRY: Yeah, well, I didn't.. Is that something you want to borrow?

ELAINE: No, that's too much money to borrow.

KRAMER: Loan her the money. You can afford it.

JERRY: She doesn't want to borrow the money.

KRAMER: Oh, c'mon. She'll pay you back. What's five grand between friends?

ELAINE: Of course I'd pay you back..

KRAMER: Yeah, so what's the problem?

JERRY: Who said there's a problem?

KRAMER: He said he'd loan you the money.

ELAINE: Well Jerry, it might take a while for me to pay you back. Maybe a few years. How do you feel about that?

KRAMER: That's okay. He doesn't care.

ELAINE: You know, money can sometimes come between friends.

KRAMER: Get outta here.

ELAINE: Let me think about it.

KRAMER: What's to think about?

ELAINE: I don't know.. I don't know. Five thousand.. let me just take one more look at it. (Leaves)

JERRY: It was all over! Taken care of. Done! Finished. Five thousand.. Where's she gonna get five thousand? She doesn't have five thousand. Clean. Good bye. She's gone. Then you come in, "Why don't you loan her five thousand? What do you care? You've got five thousand. Give her five thousand."

KRAMER: You didn't want her in the building?

JERRY: No, I didn't!

KRAMER: Well, then what did you loan her the five thousand for? Oh, look, maybe she won't take it.. I mean, she did say that she was going to think about it.

JERRY: People don't turn down money! It's what separates us from the animals.

KRAMER: I still don't understand what the problem is having her in the building.

JERRY: Let me explain something to you.. You see, you're not normal. You're a great guy, I love you, but you're a pod. I, on the other hand, am a human being. I sometimes feel awkward, uncomfortable, even inhibited in certain situations with the other human beings. You wouldn't understand.

KRAMER: Because I'm a pod?

Seinfeld