I'm Not A Lesbian!

17-07-2009

*Elaine's train. She's carrying a wedding present. A older woman approaches her*

Woman: I started riding these trains in the forties. Those days a man would give up their seat for a woman. Now we're liberated and we have to stand.
Elaine: It's ironic.
Women: What's ironic?
Elaine: This, that we've come all this way, we have made all this progress, but you know we've lost the little things, the niceties.
Woman: No, I mean what does 'ironic' mean?
Elaine: Oh...
Woman: Where are you up to, with such a nice present, birthday party?
Elaine: A wedding.
Women: A wedding?
Elaine: Yeah
Woman: Hah, I didn't know people still get married. It's hard today with men and women.
Elaine: You're telling me.
Woman: So, are they a nice couple?
Elaine: Oh, very nice.
Woman: What does he do, if you don't mind me asking?
Elaine: She.
Women: She? She works, he doesn't. He sounds like my son.
Elaine: There is no he.
Women: There is no he. So, who's getting married?
Elaine: Em, two women. It's, eh...lesbian wedding.
Women: Lesbian wedding.
Elaine: Aha, yep. I'm the...eh...best man.
Women (talks to man next to her): My luck. I don't talk to a soul in the subway for 35 years. I get a best man at a lesbian wedding. (leaves)
Elaine: No, no, no, you don't understand! I'm not a lesbian! I hate men, but I'm not a lesbian!

Seinfeld