The System

03-07-2008

George: What's the deal with Aquaman? Could he go on land, or was he just restricted to water?

Jerry: No, I think I saw him on land a couple times. So how's the job situation goin'?

George: Still lookin'. It's pretty bad out there. What about you?

Jerry: Nothin' much. I slept with Elaine last night.

George: Oxygen! I need some oxygen! This is major.

Jerry: I thought you'd like that.

George: Oh, this is huge!

Jerry: I know.

George: All right, okay. Let's go, details.

Jerry: No, I can't do details.

George: You wha?

Jerry: I can't give details.

George: No details?

Jerry: I'm not in the mood.

George: You ask me to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, and then say you're not in the mood for details. Now you listen to me. I want details and I want them right now. I don't have a job, I have no place to go. You're not in the mood? Well you get in the mood!

Jerry: All right, okay. We're in the apartment watching TV.

George: Where are you sitting?

Jerry: On the couch.

George: Next to each other?

Jerry: No, separated.

George: Time?

Jerry: About eleven.

George: Okay, go ahead.

Jerry: So she's flipping around the TV, and she gets to the naked station.

George: Oh, see? that's why I don't have cable in my house. Because of that naked station. If I had that in my house, I would never turn it off. I wouldn't sleep, I wouldn't eat. Eventually, firemen would have to break through the door, they'd find me sitting there in my pajamas with drool coming down my face. All right, all right. So you're watching the naked station.

Jerry: And then, somehow, we started talking about, what if we had sex.

George: Boy, these are really bad details.

Jerry: It pains me to say this, but I may be getting to mature for details.

George: Oh I hate to hear this. That kind of growth really irritates me.

Jerry: Well. I'll tell you though. It was really passionate.

George: Better than before?

Jerry: She must've taken some kind of seminar or something.

George: This is all too much. So what are you feeling? What's going on? Are you like a couple again now?

Jerry: Not exactly.

George: Not exactly. What does that mean?

Jerry: Well, we've tried to arrange a situation where we'll be able to do this once in a while and still be friends. (George laughs hysterically and stands out of his seat)

George: Where are you living? Are you here? Are you on this planet? It's impossible. It can't be done.(He sits back down) Thousands of years people have been trying to have their cake and eat it too. So all of a sudden the two of you are going to come along and do it. Where do you get the ego? No one can do it. It can't be done.

Jerry: I think we've worked out a system.

George: Oh, you know what you're like? You're like a pathetic gambler. You're one of those losers in Las Vegas who keeps thinking he's gonna come up with a way to win at blackjack.

Jerry: No, this is very advanced. We've designed at set of rules that we can maintain the friendship by advancing all of the relationship pitfalls.

George: Sure, all right. Tell me the rules.

Jerry: Okay. No calls the next day.

George: (To himself) So you're havin' the sex, next day you don't have to call. That's pretty good. (Back to Jerry) Go ahead.

Jerry: You ready for the second one?

George: I have tell you, I'm pretty impressed with the first one.

Jerry: Spending the night. Optional.

George: No, you see? You got greedy.

Jerry: No, that's the rule. It's optional.

George: I know less about women than... anyone in the world. But one thing I do know is they're not happy if you don't spend the night. I could be a hot, sweaty room with no air conditioning and all they have is a little army cot this wide (Displays with french fry) You're not going anywhere.

Jerry: I think you're wrong.

George: I hope I am.

Seinfeld