Emergency

04-04-2009

New scene. Still Jerry's apartment, some time later. There's a pounding on the door, Jerry opens it and Elaine enters with an unconscious older man.

Jerry: Oh my god.

Elaine: Call an ambulance.

Jerry: Boy, he took it hard.

New scene. Owen is now lying on Jerry's couch and Elaine is explaining what happened.
Elaine: We were walking down the block right by your house and I was just about to break up with him then all of a sudden he started to twitch.
Jerry (on the phone): Hello? Yes, I need an ambulance at one twenty nine west Eighty-first Street, apartment five-A.
Elaine: Tell them to hurry! Hurry!
Jerry (To Elaine): It's an ambulance. (To the operator) I don't know but he's unconscious.
Kramer enters.
Kramer: These pretzels are making me thirsty. (He bites into a pretzel.) Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty.
Jerry: Kramer.
Kramer: What happened here?
Elaine: I don't know, I don't know, what should we do? We called an ambulance, does anyone know first aid?
Jerry: Shouldn't you do something with the extremities?
Elaine: What extremities?
Kramer: What's an extremity?
Jerry: You raise the feet, get blood to the head.
Kramer: You raise the head, you get blood to the feet.
Elaine: Okay, what about a cold compress? They always do that.
Jerry: I don't have a washcloth.
Elaine: Well use a paper towel.
Jerry: You can't put a paper towel on his head.
Kramer: What about a big sponge?
Jerry: How you gonna hold it on there?
Kramer: Use a belt.
Elaine: No no no no no, that'll, it'll drip all over him.
Jerry: Should we walk him around?
Elaine and Kramer (at the same time): Yes, yes.
Kramer: Yeah, I've seen them do that.
Jerry: No, no that's for a drug overdose.
Kramer: Maybe that's what he's got.
Elaine: No no no no, Kramer, I just had lunch with him, he didn't leave the table.
Kramer: Well he could have dropped acid when you weren't looking.
Elaine: He is not a drug addict!
Jerry: Hey, you know what? Maybe he's a diabetic, he might just need a cookie or something.
Elaine: A cookie!
Kramer: Can you give him a cookie?
Elaine: How's he gonna chew it?
Jerry: We'll move his teeth, it happened to my uncle, the sugar revived him.
Kramer puts a cookie into Owen's mouth and starts working his jaw up and down.
Elaine: Careful, you're getting crumbs all over him.
Kramer: I got him chewing but I don't think he's gonna swallow.
Elaine: You know what, let's put a few cookies in a blender and he could drink it.
Jerry: Cookies don't liquefy.
Elaine: Yes they do, you can liquefy a cookie.
Kramer: Alright I'll get a blender.
Jerry: What blender? I don't have a blender.
Kramer: You got a blender.
Jerry: I would know if I had a blender.
Elaine: Where is the ambulance?!
Just then a siren can be heard followed by a skidding sound followed by a crashing sound.

Seinfeld