These Pretzels!

22-04-2009

New scene. Elaine and Jerry are back at the car rental agency, Jerry's eating a bag of pretzels.
Elaine: Five seconds. Jerry, I was five seconds away from breaking up with him. Five seconds. The next words out of my mouth were, 'Owen, it's over.'
Jerry: Can he communicate?
Elaine: Yeah, well, he nods. And I think he understands me, he seems to enjoy it when I read to him.
Jerry: Alright, she's free. (Steps up to the counter) Hi, I called before, uh, my car got smashed.
Elaine: So listen, what should I do? I mean if I break up with him now it'll look like I'm abandoning him because of his condition, I'll be ostracized from the community.
Jerry: What community? There's a community?
Elaine: Of course there's a community.
Jerry: All these years I'm living in a community, I had no idea.
Agent: Sir the estimate on the damage to your car is two thousand eight hundred and sixty-six dollars.
Jerry: Hmm, well, I got the insurance and everything so...
Agent: Yes, now, uh, in your report you said that you were not the driver of the car at the time of the accident.
Jerry: That is right, somebody else was driving.
Agent: Alright, well, sir, you're only covered for when you're driving the car.
Jerry: Uh huh, what's that?
Agent: You're not covered for other drivers.
Jerry: Other drivers?
Agent: Um hm.
Jerry: Your whole business is based on other drivers. It's a rented car. That's who's driving it, other drivers. Doesn't my credit card cover me or something?
Agent: Not that particular one.
Jerry: Well I got a hundred cards, here, pick a card, take a card, any card you want, go ahead, whichever one, I don't care.
Agent: Sir, if you had read the rental agreement--
Jerry: Did you see the size of that document? It's like the Declaration of Independence, who's gonna read that?
Agent: Mr. Seinfeld, as it stands right now, you are not covered for that damage and there is absolutely nothing that can be done about that.
Jerry: These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Seinfeld