Different Kind Of Human

15-07-2007

JERRY: Elaine! [puts his bags down, sits down on the couch,
picks up the remote control and tries to turn on his TV]

JERRY: [notices the TV is missing] ELAINE!

ELAINE: [from the bathroom] JERRY! [enters the living-room]
Jerry, oh, hi, welcome back. How were the shows?

JERRY: Great, I had fun, where's the TV, where's the VCR.
[Elaine looks guilty] What?

ELAINE: They were stolen.

JERRY: Stolen? When?

ELAINE: A couple a hours ago, the police are coming right
over.

JERRY: Stolen?

ELAINE: [Kramer enters the apartment] Someone left the door
open. [it's clear that she means Kramer; she walks to the
bathroom]

JERRY: [to Kramer] You left the door open?!

KRAMER: Uh, Jer, well ya know, I was cookin' and I, I uh, I
came in to get this spatula...and I left the door open, 'cause
I was gonna bring the spatula right back!

JERRY: Wait, you left the lock open or the door open?

KRAMER: [bobs his head guiltily] The door.

JERRY: The door? You left the door open?

KRAMER: Yeah, well, I was gonna bring the spatula right back.

JERRY: Yeah, and?

KRAMER: Well, I got caught up... watching a soap opera...[with
a broken voice] The Bold and the Beautiful

JERRY: So the door was wide open?

KRAMER: Wide open!

JERRY: [Elaine enters the living-room] And where were you?

ELAINE: I was at Bloomingdale's...waiting for the shower to
heat up.

KRAMER: Look, Jerry, I'm sorry, I'm uh, you have insurance,
right buddy?

JERRY: No.

KRAMER: [looks shocked] How can you not have insurance?

JERRY: Because...I spent my money on the Clapgo D. 29, it's
the most impenetrable lock on the market today...it has only
one design flaw: the door...[shuts the door] must be CLOSED.

Kramer: Jerry! I'm gonna find your stuff. I'm gonna solve it,
I'm on the case, buddy, I'm on the case!

JERRY: Yeah, don't investigate, don't pay me back, it was an
accident.

KRAMER: [theatrical] I made a mistake.

ELAINE: [idem] These things happen

KRAMER: [idem] I'm human

JERRY: In your way.

Seinfeld