The Jacket

15-12-2007

"(George enters singing "Master Of the House" - a Les Miserables show tune)
GEORGE: "Master of the house.. doling out the charm, ready with a handshake and an open palm. Tells a saucy talke, loves to make a stir everyone appreciates a.."
JERRY: What is that song?
GEORGE: Oh, it's from Les Miserables. I went to see it last wee. I can't get it out of my head. I just keep singing it over and over. It just comes out. I have no control over it. I'm singing it on elevators, buses. I sing it infront of clients. It's taking over my life.
JERRY: You know, Schumann went mad from that.
GEORGE: Artie Schumann? From Camp Hatchapee?
JERRY: No, you idiot.
GEORGE: What are you, Bud Abbott? What, are you calling my an idiot?
JERRY: You don't know Rober Schumann? The composer?
GEORGE: Oh, Schumann. Of course.
JERRY: (Trying to scare George) He went crazy from one note. He couldn't get it out of his head. I think it was an A. He kept repeating it over and over again. He had to be institutionalized.
GEORGE: Really? ..Well, what if it doesn't stop? (Jerry gestures "That's the breaks." George gasps) Oh, that I really needed to hear. That helps a lot! Alright, just say something. Just start talking. Change the subject.. Let's just go, alright? I can't believe we're having dinner with Alton Benes.
JERRY: I know exactly what's goin to happen tonight. I'm gonna try and act like I'm not impressed, he's gonna see right through it.
GEORGE: Yeah, he'll be looking at us like he's backstage at a puppet show.
JERRY: Let me just get my jacket. (Moves to the bedroom)
GEORGE: "Master of the house, keeper of the inn.." (Jerry proudly models his new jacket infront of George. George looks in admiration at the jacket) This is huge! When did this happen?
JERRY: Wednesday. This jacket has completely changed my life. When I leave the house in this, it's with a whole different confidence. Like tonight, I might've been a little nervous. But, inside this jacket, I am composed, grounded, secure that I can meet an social challenge.
GEORGE: (Nods) Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality.
JERRY: Absolutely.
GEORGE: ..It's fabulous.
JERRY: I know.
GEORGE: And I'll tell you something else, I'm not even going to ask you. I want to know. But I'm not going to ask. You'll tell me when you feel comfortable.. So what was it? Four hundred? Five hundred? Did you pay five hundred for this? (Jerry's acting coy throughout the whole thing) Over six? Can't be seven. Don't tell my you paid seven hundred dollars for this jacket! Did you pay seven hundred dollars for this jacket? Is that what you're saying to me?! You are sick! Is that what you paid for this jacket?! Over seven hundred? What did you pay for this jacket? I won't say anything. I wanna know what you paid for this jacket! Oh my God! A thousand dollars?! You paid a thousand dollars for this jacket?! Alright, fine. I'm walking out of here right now thinking you paid a thousand dollars for this jacket, unless you tell me different. (Jerry still coy, stays silent) Oh, ho! Alright! I'll tell you what, if you don't say anything in the next five seconds, I'll know it was over a thousand."

Seinfeld