My Boys Can Swim

19-02-2010

Jerry is in his apartment trying to open a bottle of soda.

Jerry: Ow! Ow! Twist off! Twist off! Twist off!

Elaine walks in and give him a funny look.

Jerry: Oh, hi. Soda?
Elaine: No thanks.
Jerry: So tell me. What's the problem with your little flaky friend? She doesn't return calls?
Elaine: Who are you to talk about her like that? She'll call him when she's good and ready. You don't even know her.
Jerry: Oh, I know her. I know her type.
Elaine: Her type? What type?
Jerry: The type that doesn't return phone calls. I knew we shouldn't have done this, it was a bad idea in the first place, I told you!
Elaine: You told me? You pushed this whole thing on me, it was your idea!
Jerry: I was just trying to help your bitter, twisted friend.
Elaine: She's not bitter!
Jerry: Well, bitter's a judgement call, but she's twisted!
Elaine: Twisted? God, I did you a favor.
Jerry: I thought you said they had a good time, is there anything else you're keeping from me?
Elaine: Are you calling me a liar?
Jerry: I'm calling you one if you are one, are you a liar?
Elaine: Are you?
Jerry: Get your finger out of my face.
Elaine: You get yours out, I was here first!
Jerry: I don't care.
Elaine: Get it out!

Kramer walks in just as this argument begins to turn into a slap fight, and gets in the middle.

Kramer: Hey hey, alright, hey hey, stop it! Come on, break it up! What's the matter with you? Now don't you two see that you're in love with each other? I mean, why can't you face that already? You're running around out there looking for something that's not even there, when everything that you dream of is right here, right here in front of you. Now why can't you admit that? By the way, when you see George give him these, these'll work.

Elaine: I knew those condoms were defective!
Jerry: How did you know they were defective?!

George walks in.

Elaine: Because! Because she missed her period!
George: She missed her period? Oh my god. I can't believe it! I'm a father! I did it! My boys can swim! I can do it! I can do it!

George rushes out, hysterical.


Seinfeld