Bizarro World Negotiating

09-03-2011

[Jerry's Apartment]

Jerry brings his parents' cases from the bedroom. Helen is finishing packing.
MORTY: You shoulda told me it didn't work.
JERRY: I know, I know.
HELEN: You didn't have to throw it out.
JERRY: I was always late. It was frustrating me. I'm sorry, I really am.

The buzzer sounds.

HELEN: Oh, that must be Leo.
JERRY: I woulda taken you to the airport.
HELEN: He has nothing to do.
JERRY: Neither do I. (to intercom) Yeah?
GEORGE (O.S.): It's George.
JERRY: Come on up. (to parents) It's George.
MORTY: Oh, it's George.
HELEN: What ever happened with NBC and the deal?
JERRY: Ah, George turned it down.
HELEN: He turned it down?
JERRY: Yeah.
HELEN: Why did he do that?
JERRY: Because of Ted Danson.
HELEN: What does Ted Danson have to do with it?
MORTY: Maybe he doesn't like Ted Danson.
JERRY: (fetching a drink from the fridge) Hey, who knows, maybe we'll wind up getting more money.

George enters.

GEORGE: (to Jerry) Hey.
MORTY: Hey, Georgie-boy, how are ya?
GEORGE: Hey, Mr Seinfeld. (shakes Morty's hand) Hey, Mrs Seinfeld. How are you?

He approaches Helen for a greeting.

HELEN: What's the matter with you?
GEORGE: What'd I do?
JERRY: What about NBC? Did you hear anything?
GEORGE: Yeah, as a matter of fact, I did.

Jerry looks expectantly, but George makes him wait.

GEORGE: We got a deal.

There is an outpouring of jubilation and congratulations aimed at George.

MORTY/HELEN/JERRY: (simultaneous) Hey!/That's wonderful!/We got a deal!
JERRY: Heyy! Terrific.
MORTY: You see, he had the right idea. Hold out. That's how you get the big money, huh George? (slaps George on the shoulder)
GEORGE: Uh, please, Morty.
MORTY: No, no, no. He knows how to talk to these people. No-one's gonna take advantage of Georgie. (slaps George's shoulder again)
GEORGE: I'm just happy to be working with your talented son...
JERRY: Aww...
GEORGE: ...Who's not doing this for the money.
JERRY: ...C'mon.
GEORGE: You have no idea how refreshing that is.
JERRY: So what'd we get?
GEORGE: (big smile) Eight thousand dollars.
JERRY: Beautiful!
GEORGE: (quietly) That's uh, for the two of us.
HELEN: Four thousand apiece?
JERRY: Lemme see if I understand this. In other words, you held out for... less money.
GEORGE: I was wrong, you were right.
JERRY: You know, the basic idea of negotiation, as I understand it, is to get your price to go... up.
GEORGE: You're smart, I'm dumb.
JERRY: You know, this is how they negotiate in the bizarro world.

Seinfeld