About Nothing

23-10-2010

RUSSELL: So, what have you two come up with?
JERRY: Well, we've thought about this in a variety of ways. But the basic idea is I will play myself-
GEORGE: (Interrupting) May I?
JERRY: Go ahead.
GEORGE: I think I can sum up the show for you with one word: NOTHING.
RUSSELL: Nothing?
GEORGE: (Smiling) Nothing.
RUSSELL: (Unimpressed) What does that mean?
GEORGE: The show is about nothing.
JERRY: (To George) Well, it's not about nothing.
GEORGE: (To Jerry) No, it's about nothing.
JERRY: Well, maybe in philosophy. But, even nothing is something.
(Jerry and George glare at each other. The receptionist enters)
Receptionist: Mr. Dalrymple, your niece is on the phone.
RUSSELL: I'll call back.
(Receptionist leaves)
GEORGE: (Attempting to spell his last name) D-A-L-R-I-M-P-E-L?
RUSSELL: (Obviously dislikes George) Not even close.
GEORGE: Is it with a "y"?
RUSSELL: No.
SUSAN:What's the premise?
JERRY: ..Well, as I was saying, I would play myself, and, as a comedian, living in New York, I have a friend, a neighbor, and an ex-girlfriend, which is all true.
GEORGE: Yeah, but nothing happens on the show. You see, it's just like life. You know, you eat, you go shopping, you read.. You eat, you read, You go shopping.
RUSSELL: You read? You read on the show?
JERRY: Well, I don't know about the reading.. We didn't discuss the reading.
RUSSELL: All right, tell me, tell me about the stories. What kind of stories?
GEORGE: Oh, no. No stories.
RUSSELL: No stories? So, what is it?
GEORGE: (Showing an example) What'd you do today?
RUSSELL: I got up and came to work.
GEORGE: There's a show. That's a show.
RUSSELL: (Confused) How is that a show?
JERRY: Well, uh, maybe something happens on the way to work.
GEORGE: No, no, no. Nothing happens.
JERRY: Well, something happens.
RUSSELL: Well, why am I watching it?
GEORGE: Because it's on TV.
RUSSELL: Not yet.
GEORGE: Okay, uh, look, if you want to just keep on doing the same old thing, then maybe this idea is not for you. I, for one, am not going to compromise my artistic integrity. And I'll tell you something else, this is the show and we're not going to change it. (To Jerry) Right?
(A moment passes)
JERRY: (To Russell) How about this: I manage a circus..


Seinfeld