How Can Anyone Not Like Him?

04-01-2011

[Jerry's apartment]

JERRY: Boy, you got a lot of stuff here. . . . Dad, what are you doing?
MORTY: Nothing nothing.
JERRY: Leave it. What about your back?
HELEN: Morty, what are you doing?
MORTY: All right, all right.
JERRY: You come all the way up here to see a back specialist and you're lifting heavy suit cases.
[Kramer enters]
KRAMER: Hey, Morty.
MORTY: Hey, Mr. Kramer.
KRAMER: Hey, Mrs. Seinfeld.
HELEN: What happened to you?
KRAMER: Well some guy kicked me in the side of the head.
HELEN: What guy?
KRAMER: Crazy Joe Devola.
HELEN: Why?
KRAMER: Well, I was having this party and I didn't invite him and Jerry tipped him off.
HELEN: Why did you tell this crazy guy that Kramer didn't invite him to his party?
JERRY: I didn't know he wasn't invited
MORTY: Hey, these are very comfortable pants. You know what I paid for these Jerry?
HELEN: So why did you say anything?
JERRY: It was a mistake.
MORTY: They're good around the house and they're good for outside.
HELEN: Are you okay?
KRAMER: Oh, yeah, yeah. I was a little off last week - but the doctor says it was just a slight concussion
HELEN: So what's the matter with this Devola guy?
JERRY: He's got like a chemical imbalance. He needs to be on medication.
KRAMER: Oh, yeah. He's after Jerry now.
JERRY: Kramer!!
HELEN: He's what?!
JERRY: He's joking.
HELEN: He's after you?
JERRY: Nooo.
HELEN: Why is he after you?
JERRY: He's not after me.
HELEN: Morty, did you here this? Some crazy guy is after Jerry.
MORTY: I'll make a few phone calls.
JERRY: Who are you going to call?
MORTY: What are you worried about?
HELEN: I want to know what you did to this guy that he's after you.
JERRY: I didn't do anything.
HELEN: Well you must have done something.
JERRY: No, he just doesn't like me.
HELEN: Doesn't like you? How can anyone not like you?
JERRY: You know, it seems impossible.
HELEN: Doesn't like you? How can that be?
JERRY: Ma, I know this may be hard for you to understand but I am sure there are many people who do not like me.
HELEN: Huh, Jerry, don't say that.
JERRY: It's true.
HELEN: No, it's not true. You're a wonderful, wonderful boy. Everybody likes you. It's impossible not to like you. Impossible. Morty?
MORTY: Maybe some people don't like him. I could see that.
HELEN: Kramer?
KRAMER: Yeah, I like him. Hey Jerry, what time you got?
JERRY: Um, huh, I don't have my watch on. It's being fixed.
KRAMER: When you getting it back?
JERRY: Uh, next week.
KRAMER: Next week? How come it's taking so long?
JERRY: Huh?
KRAMER: I said how come it's taking so long?
JERRY: I don't know. They're backed up.
KRAMER: wait a minute, wait a minute, where did you take it?
JERRY: Where'd I take it?
KRAMER: Yeah.
JERRY: Where did I take it? Where Did I Take It? (stabbing with knife) Um, to that place on, uh Columbus and uh, 85th. Okay?
KRAMER: Jimmy Sherman's?
JERRY: Yeah.
KRAMER: Yeah, I know the guy. I take my stuff in there all the time. Yeah, I bet I can get your watch back by tomorrow morning.
JERRY: No, Kramer, I don't want you to say anything to him
KRAMER: I'd be happy to.He's a friend of mine.
JERRY: I'd like to follow the regular procedures. I don't want any special treatment.
KRAMER: Hey, I'm going to get that watch back for you by tomorrow, buddy.
MORTY: Give me the receipt.
KRAMER: I'll get that too. (exits)
JERRY: Be right back. (follows Kramer out)

[In the hallway]

JERRY: . . . I threw it in the garbage can on the street. It didn't keep good time. My parents gave it to me so don't mention it again, okay!
KRAMER: All right.
JERRY: All right.
KRAMER: Wait, wait , . . .

[Jerry reenters his own apartment]

HELEN: What was that about?
KRAMER: Oh, oh, uh, he's got my Calamine lotion and uh, I told him not to return it. If he needs it he should keep it. He's got uh, he's got a thing on his ankle.
HELEN: How can anyone not like him...?

Seinfeld