Svenjolly

16-01-2011

[Jerry's Apartment]

GEORGE: Okay, by the way. Do you want a box of Cuban cigars? I smoked one last night. I got nauseous.
JERRY: No I don't want them.
[Kramer enters]
KRAMER: I'll take it. No, I'll take it. What is it?
GEORGE: Here you go.
KRAMER: A box of cigars?
GEORGE: Yep,
KRAMER: Oh, yeah?
GEORGE: The kind that Castro smokes. You can't buy them anywhere.
KRAMER: Castro eh? Pasto costillo homiga (nonsense Spanish)
[Buzzer]
JERRY: Yes?
Voice: Federal Express.
JERRY: Federal Express? Come on up. . . . Federal Express. I'm not expecting a package.
KRAMER: Wooo, you know what you just did? You let a burglar into the building.
JERRY: You think so?
KRAMER: Federal Express? Of course. It's the oldest trick in the book. You know it might not be a burglar it might be a murderer.
JERRY: So you want us to abolish all home package deliveries.
KRAMER: Yes. It's dangerous.
[Knock on the door - Kramer prepares for a fight]
JERRY: Who is it?
Voice: Federal Express.
KRAMER: Okay, . . .
[Elaine enters]
ALL: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
ELAINE: Kramer, Hi, I thought you went to California.
KRAMER: I came back for you.
ELAINE: Oh, shut up (pushes Kramer)
JERRY: I missed you.
ELAINE: Really?
JERRY: Yeah, . . .
(lots of missing you talk)
KRAMER: I'm going to be right back. I'm going to get a match.
ELAINE: Who's suitcase is this?
JERRY: Oh, it's my parents. My father came up to see a back specialist.
ELAINE: Oh, golly, it's probably from sleeping on that sofa.
GEORGE: Boy, you look really great.
JERRY: Yeah.
ELAINE: You lie.
GEORGE: No, no you really look great.
ELAINE: Hu hu, ha.
JERRY: So tell us about the trip. How's Dr. Reston?
ELAINE: Oh, he's fine.
JERRY: Things are good?
ELAINE: Yeah, you know (scratches cheek)
JERRY: Uh oh.
ELAINE: What, Uh ih?
JERRY: Did you see that?
GEORGE: Yeah, I saw it.
ELAINE: What?
JERRY: It's a tell. You gotta tell.
ELAINE: What tell? What's a tell?
JERRY: When you ask someone about their relationship and they touch their face you know it's not going too well. Go ahead ask me how it's going with somebody.
ELAINE: Um, uh, who's it going with, uh, Alice?
JERRY: Good, going good (scratches chin) And the higher up on the face you go the worse the relationship is getting. You know it is like - pretty good - not bad - I gotta get out.
ELAINE: How high did I go?
GEORGE: You almost did the nose.
JERRY: What are you eating my peanut butter out of the jar with your disgusting index fingers? This is a sickening display.
GEORGE: I'm not eating bread now. I'm off bread.
JERRY: You're off bread. . . . So what happened is it over?
ELAINE: Well not quite.
JERRY: Why not?
ELAINE: He was my psychiatrist, you know. He knows all my patterns. In my relationships I always try to find some reason to leave, so as my doctor, he can't allow me to do this, so he's not letting me leave.
GEORGE: What do you mean - "Not letting you?"
ELAINE: He has this power over me, okay. He has this way of manipulating every little word I say. He's like a Svenjolly.
GEORGE: Svengali.
ELAINE: What did I say?
JERRY: Svenjolly.
ELAINE: Svenjolly? I did not say Svenjolly.
JERRY: George?
GEORGE: Svenjolly.
ELAINE: I don't see how I could have said Svenjolly.
JERRY: So maybe he's got like a cheerful mental hold on you.
[Kramer enters]
KRAMER: You know I can't find a match anywhere.
GEORGE: You know what you should do? You should tell this guy you're seeing somebody else. That's the easiest way to get out of these things.
ELAINE: No, it's not going to work with this guy.
GEORGE: Well, you just tell him an old boyfriend has come back into your life.
ELAINE: I don't think so.
JERRY: Nice try.
GEORGE: Took a shot.
KRAMER: This is a good cigar (hair is on fire) . . . WOOOOOOOOOOW . . . (runs to bathroom)

Seinfeld