How The Hell Am I Gonna Pay For This?

16-02-2011

[Restaurant]

Naomi, the hostess, stands by the Seinfeld's table.
NAOMI: Did you enjoy your poisson?
HELEN: It was... different.
NAOMI: (to Jerry) And how was yours?
JERRY: Ah, very good.
NAOMI: You should try our mousse. (a little flirtatious) It'll change your life expectancy.
JERRY: No thanks, just the check.

Naomi leaves.

HELEN: What's the matter with you?
JERRY: What?
HELEN: Why didn't you flirt with her?
JERRY: Come on.
HELEN: She was flirting with you. Why didn't you say something?
JERRY: What am I gonna say?
HELEN: You just sat there.
JERRY: Well, you made me uncomfortable.
HELEN: You're a comedian, couldn't you come up with something?
LEO: (to Morty) Where's the bathroom?
JERRY: In the back, on your right.

Leo gets up and leaves. The busboy brings the check to the table. As he puts it down, Morty takes hold of it. Jerry grabs it too. A tug of war
develops.

JERRY: Dad!
MORTY: Will you stop it Jerry. Let go.
HELEN: Jerry.
JERRY: Will you let me pay just once.
MORTY: You're out of your mind.
JERRY: How you gonna pay? You don't even have a wallet!
MORTY: Don't worry about it.
JERRY: What're you gonna do?
MORTY: What's the difference, we'll figure something out.
HELEN: (to Jerry) You're not paying.

Jerry releases his grip, allowing a triumphant Morty to take the check.

JERRY: Alright, fine. You figure something out. I'd be very curious to know how you pick up a check with no money. 'Cause if this works, the whole
monetary system's obsolete, we're back to wampum. (standing) I'm going to the bathroom.

Jerry walks away. Morty reads the check, with Helen leaning to read it too.

MORTY: How the hell am I gonna pay for this?

Seinfeld